I started my new job at the start of the year. January 4th to be exact. A few months before that, I bought my first home. That’s a story within itself. Let me just start with my job.
I am so thankful for it. It checks all of the boxes I asked for and others I didn’t but needed. My desire used to be to write and make money from what I produce. It was also to write and produce plays and help other people in the arts, especially theatre.
Long story short. I now work for a theatre! And I absolutely love-love-love it. It is a perfect job for me at this point in my life. I have a huge, beautiful office that I share with a wonderful man (who is so busy he is rarely there) and a loving staff. My supervisor is a brilliant financial guru who has a beautiful spirit. I feel appreciated in my work from him and others. I absolutely love that I work with other artists who have a deep love for theatre. And I love the work I do.
There have been some challenges along the way. Fortunately, one of my sisters and I live together and we practice a daily debriefing session at the end of each day. We tell each other about our day, and if anything wonky comes up we help each other to see it in a way that keeps our vibrations high. In some ways, I’ve come to love the challenges that arise. I feel more and more empowered to address them with wisdom.
Early on in my job, I was encouraged to reach out to the person who used to do the work I was going to take on. Little did I know that this individual was toxic and unprofessional. Our first conversation last 3 hours, most of which consisted of him complaining about the company and going on profanity-filled rants about his misery working there. He said terrible things about our supervisor, basically saying that he was only about making money and didn’t really care about the outreach work I was assigned to do. In fact, this dude told me he went to one of the board members to vent about our supervisor; and when word got back to our supervisor, dude was forbidden to talk to any board members ever again. And soon after, his hours were cut in half. And he was ostracized from the company. THEN he said, he thinks the way he was treated was illegal and the only reason they are keeping him around is because he could file a lawsuit against them. This was our FIRST conversation! Needless to say, I was deeply disturbed after speaking to him. I was confused; and didn’t know what to believe. I don’t do drama; and so I even contemplated whether or not to stay with them. This was not what I signed up for.
I didn’t quit, though because I remembered ALL that had taken place in order for me to land that job. I KNEW that God, the Universe had orchestrated it for me because aside from that dude, it was EVERYTHING I wanted and needed.
At the time, our company was all working remotely due to a new variant of covid. So, I was isolated from everyone as this craziness was taking place. And I didn’t know who I could talk to or trust to share that with. I didn’t want to cause issues as a new person. So, I stayed quiet.
Our next conversation, I took more of the lead so as not to fall into the same trap again. And a few minutes into our conversation, he apologized for his unprofessionalism the last call and said it would not happen again. But, it did. What was most disturbing was how much rage this man showed me, a complete stranger. Even then, I recognized that he had put himself in that situation. Why on earth did he think it was okay to air dirty laundry to a board member? That was so foolish! But, still I felt sorry for him. And I could see some goodness in him. He just probably needed some good therapy.
After sharing all of his struggles with me, he tried to befriend me and asked me to be his ally. I had mixed feelings about him and the way he was speaking to me. On the one hand, I had sympathy for him because he felt like an outcast in the company. He said that his hours had been cut and he was struggling financially. But, it appeared that he loved the theatre and wanted to stay, even despite all of the abuse he alleged he endured.
The third conversation, I let him know that we couldn’t talk that long again. (The truth is he talked 98% of the time and rarely took a breath for me to speak. He talked at me and assumed I didn’t know anything. I was fine with the second part as it encouraged him to go into great detail about subjects I knew very little of, so I learned a lot when he stayed on topic.) So, the third conversation he tried to keep talking at me, and I told him that I had tuned him out and could not hear anything he was saying. I told him it was information overload, so anything he said I would not register. He kept talking. Then he stopped to ask me a question. I told him again that I didn’t have an answer because I checked out 15 minutes ago. That’s when he got the message. Future conversations were limited to an hour.
Then one day, he had a complete meltdown on a Zoom call with me. And even after all of the boundaries I allowed him to cross, I still felt myself feeling compassion and empathy toward him. He told me that everyone had outcast him and that he only had $13 in the bank and that he felt terrible because now his wife had to work multiple jobs to support him and having only 1 car was a hardship for them. He basically said he didn’t feel like a man anymore. I was on the verge of tears listening to his pain. And then his anger came out. And he said something like, “well soon this isn’t going to be my problem anymore,” referring to his old work that I would be taking on. I wanted to help him. He said he hadn’t been coming to the staff meetings because he didn’t have reasonable transportation and couldn’t afford to Uber, and he didn’t have a covid test which was required. So, I offered him a covid test but then he went on another rant. And that is when I started to notice that he didn’t want to resolve the problems he was bringing up to me. He just wanted to dump them on me. He had no interest in solving them at all. But, still I felt sorry for him. And I felt very confused as to what to do. I was against saying anything to anyone because I didn’t want to be a gossip as the new person. Clearly, this man was DRAMA. But, I didn’t want to be viewed as drama too by association. And SURELY the company didn’t know about his extreme behavior; otherwise, why would they have this dude training me? Why would they encourage me, the newbie to reach out to him?
After that Zoom call, I was not okay. I was emotionally spent, and I felt like I was carrying way too much weight. So, I called my boyfriend and told him what had happened. He told me to tell my supervisor because if something happened and they found out I knew about his behavior and didn’t say anything, that could go bad for me too.
So, I went to my supervisors office and made an appointment to see him 5 or so minutes later. When I met him, I close the door and then I broke into tears. I told him I was worried about my co worker and that he is hurting and he needs help. I told him the man feels like an outcast and he is broken and has only $13 in the bank and a broken car, etc etc. I told him that he needs help, but I couldn’t help him. And to please reach out to him because I can’t help and it’s not my business anyway. My supervisor just listened to me. He didn’t respond to my ridiculous tears. I was wearing a mask and thankfully so because the black mask was trapping all of the crying-induced snot pouring from my nose. I felt mildly embarrassed for my behavior. I hated to lose control of my emotions in front of this person. I didn’t want to be perceive as a crazy person without control of her emotions. I was mad at myself for allowing that to happen. But, my supervisor was kind. And thankfully he isn’t like me who cries at the sight of practically anyone’s tears. After I finished, he told me that he didn’t know the man was having a hard time like that. That he tried to help him in ways that I won’t reveal here. And he shared some other things that I won’t share out of respect for his privacy, just to be safe. By the time we were done, I felt lighter. And I was glad that my coworker was going to get the help he needed.
Fast forward a few days later. One of my co-workers asked how I was doing, and I somehow felt comfortable to share in confidence what had happened. And that’s when I learned that the whole company had serious issues with that dude. That he had done to others what he had done to me; and that people were very uncomfortable around him for MANY reasons. And he listed them. And that’s when I knew I had been duped. And then another coworker shared, and another. And I was happy to know that he didn’t target me with his behavior. That was just how he rolled. And as unprofessional and disturbing as that was, I was glad he didn’t only show himself in that light to me. In a way, I felt vindicated because others could see my truth. I felt more free. But, then I felt frustrated because I had put all of that energy toward saving this man’s job, when his behavior has been toxic to EVERYONE at the company. Ugh.
And there is SO much more to share. Not just about that dude, but also about other experiences I’ve had so far. I really want to keep a record of this. And this may be the place for it.
I’m going to head to bed for now. But, I hope to write again soon.
-Cafe writing chick
Aching to Write 